Question to start thinking bigger:

Where am I playing small out of fear of playing big?

I recently went on a retreat to Mexico with a small group of entrepreneurs, writers, and investors.

The format was free-flowing, but each evening, we had a programming session where one participant would present on their business and focus and the rest of the group would ask questions and pressure test their thinking.

The most interesting learning I uncovered: There were several areas where I was thinking small without realizing it. Areas where I had defaulted into a small, linear outcome game rather than choosing to play the big, non-linear outcome one.

As the group chipped away at this, I realized that I had been defaulting into these small games because of a subtle, hidden fear of playing big in those arenas.

Deconstructing those fears, it became clear to me that they were deeply ingrained on the basis of assumptions that were no longer true (about my means, safety net, aptitude, and more).

It was only through the exercise of uncovering these small games and fears that I have been able to unlock myself to think bigger.

I think it's an exercise everyone should go through:

Sit down with a small group of friends or trusted intellectual sparring partners. Speak for 10-15 minutes on your business and focus areas.

Then work to ask and answer a few key questions:

• Where are you playing small that you could be playing much, much bigger?
• What is holding you back from playing that bigger game?
• Is it real or imagined?

If you go through this exercise, I guarantee you'll uncover a few areas where you could be thinking bigger. Try it and let me know what you learn.

Quote to celebrate a life:

"I believe that if you'll just stand up and go, life will open up for you." - Tina Turner

If you wait to act until you feel motivated, you may never start.

Motivation is a natural byproduct of movement. When in doubt, just start moving.

(Share this on Twitter!)​

Framework to improve relationship communication:

Helped, Heard, or Hugged

Confession: I'm a recovering fixer.

I always try to fix things. When people come to me with problems, my bias is to try to fix them. This is (mostly) good in a professional context, but when you bring this bias into your relationships, the results can be decidedly mixed.

Over the years, my Mr. Fix It mentality led to a lot of tense moments with my wife, family, and friends. They'd come to me with a problem, and I would immediately start deconstructing the situation and offering potential solutions. I found it puzzling that the other person would often reject my solutions and withdraw (or even get angry with me for offering them).

What I came to realize (after far too long): Sometimes, people don't want you to fix it. They just want you to be there with them.

The "Helped, Heard, or Hugged" Framework has been immensely helpful in improving my handling of these situations by allowing me to give the other person what they need in a situation.

I first read about it in a NYT Well article by Jancee Dunn and have been using it ever since.

The framework is simple:

When someone you love comes to you with a problem, you ask, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?

• Helped: Deconstruct the problem and identify potential solutions. Mr. Fix It can come out to play.
• Heard: Listen intently and allow the other person to express (and vent) as needed.
• Hugged: Provide comforting physical touch. Touch is a powerful love language for many (including my wife). They just want to feel your presence with them.

The idea is to ask the question to create a two-way awareness of what is needed in the situation. After a while, it should become a pattern that you can recognize without asking.

If you've ever struggled to appropriately identify what your partner, friend, or family member needs in a situation, give the "Helped, Heard, or Hugged" Framework a shot and let me know what you think.​

Tweet on the beauty of enough:

I like the idea of contentment as the path to freedom. Remember: Never let the quest for more distract you from the beauty of enough. Shivaji Patil understands the beauty of enough.​

Article on the magic of a growth mindset:

​Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Shape Our Lives​

This was an excellent primer in The Marginalian on fixed vs. growth mindsets.

The most fascinating part was around the research with schoolchildren who were either told "you must be smart" or "you must have worked hard" and the observation of their future behavior and outcomes. Ability praise cemented a fixed mindset, whereas effort praise cemented a growth mindset.

Definitely makes me think about the language we use with our children, coworkers, and more!