My wife and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary this week.

Two years ago, I started an annual tradition of asking couples who’ve been married 40, 50, or 60+ years for their best relationship advice.

The advice they wish they could give to their younger selves.

At this point, the advice captures over 1,000 years of earned wisdom from these beautiful relationships.

Today, I’d like to share that advice (plus a few additions of my own).

This is the relationship advice everyone needs to hear…

Never keep score in love.

Scoreboards are for sports games, not marriages.

Love is a muscle.

Know that your love will be tested, but that each test has the potential to leave it stronger.

Maintain interests and passions separate from your partner's.

Marriage should not be the end of individuality.

Laugh until you cry.

Laughing together goes a long way to smooth the inevitable bumps in the road.

Never stop dating.

"I'm 99 and still courting my wife!" Marriages don't get boring, you stop trying.

You cannot take care of your partner if you aren't taking care of yourself.

Make a list of your daily needs to feel good. Make sure you and your partner are able to accomplish that list.

Do one act of service for your partner every day, but never tell them about it.

Take out the trash, refill the soap dispenser, put away the toys. Tiny acts of love and respect add up over time.

Never involve a non-professional 3rd party (parents, friends, siblings, coworkers) in disagreements.

You'll forget about it, but they won't.

Time doesn't heal when it comes to relationships.

Don't delay difficult conversations.

Never fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love.

This is part of the fundamental balance and tension of life. The joy of love comes in the same package as the pain of loss.

It doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be wonderful.

There has never been a perfect relationship, but there have been many wonderful ones.

No one has ever argued their way to a happy marriage.

When facing a challenge, face it together.

It can't always be 50/50.

Sometimes it will be 90/10, sometimes it will be 10/90. All that matters is that it adds up to 100.

When in doubt, love.

We can always use more love.

If your relationship has a minor issue, repair it.

Minor issues become major issues over time. Furthermore, most minor issues that persist or repeat are a result of a more fundamental issue with the foundation. Address those swiftly, as they won't repair themselves.

Never raise your voice with your partner.

Nothing good has ever come from shouting.

Every relationship is a work in progress.

The mutual desire for improvement is what builds a lifelong bond.

Is it more important to be right or to be married?

Stubborn pride is the downfall of relationships.

Always be quick to say "I'm sorry."

If you are struggling to apologize, go for a short walk, breathe, and try again. It's (almost) always worth it.

Don't sweat small stuff.

If there's something bothering you, ask whether it will matter in one month. If not, let it go right now.

Start every day with a hug or a kiss.

It's a simple reminder of your love that goes a long way.

Fun Fact: I had to edit this piece of advice from 90-year-old Carl, married for 65 years, to make it more safe for work. His original advice was: “Start every day with a kiss (and more).” Go get ‘em, Carl!

Take pride in building a family with strong values.

Create ripples that last.

Marriage should always take priority over your birth family.

Remember that when the two feel in conflict.

Keep doing the little things.

A note under the pillow, a surprise bouquet, a peck on the cheek. Romance never goes out of style.

Complementarity is just as important as compatibility.

Allow each other the space to lead within different domains in your relationship.

Your love is yours.

Forget the approval of others. You won't be able to make everyone happy. Accept that and embrace each other.

Tell your partner you love them every night before falling asleep.

Someday you’ll find the other side of the bed empty and wish you could.

And Three From Me…

99% of a successful marriage is just genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

People make these long lists of traits they want to find in a partner, but so much of life just comes down to being kind and pleasant to be around.

If you’re going to make a long list of traits you want in a partner, make sure you’re embodying them first.

You attract what you put out into the world.

Tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every single day.

Big or small. If you feel it, vocalize it. Lack of appreciation is where relationships go to die.

All You Need Is Love

The Beatles said it best:

All you need is love.

This annual tradition brings me great joy. I feel very lucky to be able to share their wisdom.

Here are a few photos of some of the couples (shared with their permission). They are amazing.

And a closing message to my 15-year-old self:

You’re going to try to talk to a cute girl on a class trip. She’ll reject you. It’s very important that you try to talk to her again.

Trust me. She will make your life complete.