There’s a story I love that perfectly captures one of the most destructive traps in human behavior:

If you place a single crab in a bucket, it’ll claw its way up the side and escape.

But if you place five crabs in a bucket, something different happens.

When one crab starts clawing its way up the side to escape, the others reach out and pull it back down. None of the crabs escape the bucket.

As you’ve probably realized, this isn’t just about crabs…it’s a metaphor for an all-too-common experience in our lives:

“If I can’t have it, neither can you.”

I call it the Crab Mentality.

As a reader of a growth and personal development newsletter, I’m willing to bet you’ve felt it at some point in your life:

You’re changing. You’re developing. You’re growing. And suddenly, the people in your circle start treating you differently.

They start making comments, like:

• “Why are you pushing yourself so hard?”
• “That’s pointless, you’re just going to end up in the same place.”
• “Come on, be realistic.”
• “There’s no way it’s going to work.”

Just like the crabs in the bucket, they start trying to pull you back down.

It can feel painful at first. This is your circle. These are your people. They’re supposed to support you, right?

Unfortunately, as we all come to learn, that’s not always the case.

First, realize one thing:

It’s not about you.

Their behavior—this Crab Mentality—is about them. Your growth highlights their stagnation. Your change threatens their comfort. Your pursuit shines a light on their fear.

There are two actionable steps to consider:

1. Be deliberate about who you allow into your circle.

You are not responsible for how your growth journey makes other people feel.

But you are responsible for who you give your energy to on that growth journey.

If someone moves like a crab, pinches like a crab, and pulls you down like a crab, they’re probably a crab.

Surround yourself with people who root for your growth, not your comfort. The ones who refuse to let you coast. Who celebrate risks. Who hold you to a higher standard. Who force you to think bigger. Give your energy to those who give it back 10 times over.

2. Avoid small environments that breed a Crab Mentality.

One observation I’ve had is that certain environments seem to breed a Crab Mentality. They are scarcity-driven. They promote zero-sum thinking. Many industries and organizations intentionally or unintentionally create this environment.

If someone spends enough time in one of these environments, they grow to believe that another person winning means them losing. Their behavior slowly starts to fall in line with that belief.

Stay mindful of the environments you enter. Be intentional about not creating these conditions for others. Place yourself in environments where growth is celebrated, not hidden.

The best environments are abundant. Rising tides. Everyone thrives together.

The Crab Mentality is a dangerous psychological phenomenon.

Learn to spot it in others (and in yourself) and your life will improve.